Lordy, lordy what a week! I turned 48 and my book was released! I didn’t time it this way on purpose but it did feel like a birthday gift to myself to see this project through to fruition. Especially given how many times I wanted to quit. And I don’t mean quit in some grand, dramatic way - where I delete the file or rip up the manuscript. My style of quitting has always been the more quiet, more tragic kind.
Maybe you can relate?
My kind of quitting looks more like this: the stitching slows and then I just allow the thread to slip from the needle’s eye. From there, it all comes down to how I coach myself off the sideline. Am I going back on the field? Or am I heading to the parking lot to hide in my car and eat a candy bar?
This is why the habit of loving, spiritually attuned self talk matters so much. Because we will all find ourselves in these kinds of circumstances throughout our lives. Where our momentum peters out and we can’t rely on sheer will to get us through. We need to be shepherded in those moments. We need to be gathered up and encouraged to keep going.
It’s wonderful to have people around us who can inspire us like this, but I feel there’s nothing as valuable as being able to do it for ourselves.
Personally speaking, the hardest thing about finishing something is how it catapults me out of “almost” status into “done”. My wound loves “almost”. It feels like the safest, most familiar place in the world. It’s also the most tragic and infuriating. Because it feels like: “almost, but not quite.” It feels like being close to something but not fully having it. It feels like coulda, shoulda, woulda but too late now. It feels like letting myself down, falling short, giving up too soon.
It’s weird how painful states of being can be soothing in the way they feel like home. It takes a lot of wakefulness and conviction to change the frequency we resonate with internally. In the beginning, that pull toward the familiar threatens to sabotage us at every turn. I love Adyashanti’s term for this: “sacred discomfort”. It’s the kind of discomfort that comes with growth, expansion and improvement.
If all you’ve ever known is giving up on yourself, it will feel perversely good to give up on yourself in the moment - because the behavior feels predictable and oddly safe. But busting through that narrative, accomplishing your goal and knowing yourself in a different way on the other side of it all - knowing yourself as powerful and reliable - feels better.
If you’d like to order my book, Love Notes From a Soul Coach, you can find it here!
I am rooting for you, wherever you are in your journey, of advancing past the limitations of the familiar, out toward the great unknown, where so much more than we can even wrap our minds around is possible, possible, possible.