As many of you know, I finished writing my first book several months ago and have been in the final stages of revisions with my editor. I wanted to share a few excerpts from the chapter on self-love in today's newsletter.
During the final stretch of the publishing process, I've had to keep a very close eye on my inner saboteur. The saying: "The last mile is the hardest mile" has run through my mind on the regular.
As I get closer to being officially across the finish line, my Ego's been in overdrive trying to trip me up. I've caught myself inventing tasks that aren't necessary, reediting the same passages in circles and harboring thoughts like: maybe I've moved too fast through this process and I should sit with the book a bit longer, do a slower read through when I'm less saturated.
I'm so, so grateful for the work I've done over the years to really, deeply, thoroughly know this part of myself. It doesn't have the power to derail me like it used to.
I can cut straight through the madness and say: "Ok, so you're scared."
That's it. It's just fear, plain and simple. I don't need to negotiate. I don't need to contemplate every single Ego-based objection to my progress. And I don't have to qualify the writing as "good enough". I can just recognize: I'm scared. And I can comfort myself through the experience of being afraid AND moving forward simultaneously.
This feels like nothing short of a miracle.
I have been keeping copious notes of the entire process of self publishing - both the logistics, the angels I've met who assist writers for a living and the issues I've faced inside my own mindset when it comes to the kinds of sabotage I just mentioned. I intend to share all of this in a more formal way once the book is launched into the world and there's more space in my schedule.
But in the meantime, I'm offering these thoughts and passages as sustenance to any of you out there who may be facing down similar demons. You can do it. It's only fear. And the bulk of our fears are not even rational.
EXCERPTS FROM MY FORTHCOMING BOOK, Love Notes From a Soul Coach:
If we dissect every single pain point in our life, we will find one, universal truth at the root: we don’t understand how worthy of love we are. Misperceiving ourselves as unworthy of love and acceptance is the origin of all our existential suffering. Learning the skill of self-love transforms our pain to empowerment.
People who love themselves aren't afraid to be alone. They refuse to work in masochistic environments or partner with abusive mates. They give themselves permission to want what they want for the sake of their Soul purpose, and they believe they’re allowed to achieve it.
People who love themselves have deep, meaningful connections with other people because they live in an inner reality of kindness and generosity, and they know how to exercise boundaries. They don’t have to play small or defensively in their interactions with others.
People who love themselves are thoughtful about every single thing they take into their body, including food, substances, the news, social media, and sex. They have high standards for their life in every area. They live in peace because the most important relationship in their life—the one with their true self—is healthy and fulfilling. Everything else is secondary and holds less sway.
People who love themselves are in direct, regular contact with their Soul. They don’t sweat the ongoing drama of the earthly plane so much because their perspective about what’s truly important goes beyond the physical level. They see the spiritual side in all things, and that brings them tremendous peace.
How do we generate self-love if we’ve been living the majority of our life in pain, making bad choices, and hurting ourselves? How do we interrupt these cycles and actually change?
We learn to love ourselves the same way we’ve taught ourselves anything else.
Once upon a time, you didn’t know how to tie your shoes or brush your teeth. You were shown how, and you practiced until it became natural and easy. These are all skills we deem important and necessary in our modern societies, so we teach them to our children.
It’s far less common for children to be taught how to love themselves, live in integrity with their truth and prize their relationship with their own Soul. But as we say in Buddhism, it doesn’t matter how long a room has been left in darkness; the moment a match is struck, it’s illuminated.
So it’s never too late to teach ourselves what we need to know in order to heal and transform our life and the process need not be daunting.
A belief is something we tell ourselves repeatedly over time until it feels undeniably true. To heal is to examine our beliefs, pull the strands apart, and consider if they’re objectively true. If a belief isn’t true, such as the deeply painful, often unconscious belief that we aren’t worthy of love, we have the option to revise it. This is how affirmations work. We use them to train our mind into thinking, perceiving, and believing on a brand new level.
I’ve had clients say to me: “Affirmations won’t work because I don’t believe what I’m saying.”
Yes, that’s the entire point. You believe a whole system of thoughts and ideas that have created your current reality, and you need to introduce new, different ones if you want to make positive changes to that reality.
Once upon a time, you were a blank slate. You learned to believe what you believe in this present moment. If those beliefs aren’t serving your life very well, you can learn different ones.
You won’t believe your new affirmations at first because they’re radically different from the beliefs you’ve been conditioned to accept as true. That’s ok; you can start out not believing them, but over time, your beliefs will change in accordance with the affirmations you’re practicing. This is how affirmations work on your subconscious mind. What you practice becomes familiar, and what’s familiar feels safe and reliable after a while.
You couldn’t tie your shoes once. Now, you do it without thinking. Affirmations and positive thinking can become just as automatic and natural.
The way you know your affirmations are working is that you’ll start to feel better inside your life. You might pass your reflection in a store window and smile back. You might choose an apple instead of a junk food snack because it feels good to feed your body mindfully. You might find yourself genuinely attracted to people and situations that treat you well. You might sleep with more ease or exercise boundaries without guilt. You might authentically enjoy your own company and process your emotions as they come without shame. You might experience less anxiety and fear in your daily life and begin to feel at home within yourself.
When you say your affirmations, you speak them to your Soul. You’re recovering a lost connection to your true nature. You’re acknowledging that you’re worthy of love and care. You’re capable of being guided and supported all through the topsy turvy journey of your life.
Here are some examples to try:
I love and appreciate myself exactly as I am.
I am always learning, growing, and improving.
My path is blessed and protected.
My worth is made clear to me, and my consciousness expands to receive it.
I am inherently worthy of love.
I live in harmony with my own Soul.
I surrender everything in my life that isn’t working to my higher self.
I allow myself to be loved, guided, and supported.
I am always receiving the lesson I need to learn for the sake of my healing, and I receive it gratefully.
I forgive, with ease, anyone who requires my forgiveness, including myself.
I am grateful to be growing and healing day by day.
My heart is full of awe and gratitude for all that is possible in my life.
I release the past and set myself free from all hurts.
I am a powerful manifestor.
My thinking is aligned with my high self.
I am guided and protected at all times.
Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak : ) Till next time friends,