What Are You Actually Worried About?
This past Friday I had the profound pleasure of hosting a class at Sage + Sound - the new wellness center in NYC where I’m going to be teaching every Thursday (starting Nov. 3). It felt like real, healing nectar to be in such an intentional space, in person with others, sharing time together.
The reply came pouring out before I could consciously think: “I’m afraid what I want to say won’t flow perfectly.”
I wanted to flow ‘perfectly’. I was unconsciously imposing the impossible standard of perfection on something that was actually asking to be real and heartfelt and free. It’s the old battle within me, of bonsai vs wild flower.
Connection is so much more important than perfection. And it’s so much more enjoyable too. When we’re conscious of the shackles we’re slipping into, we can slip right back out. Like a magic trick.
Fear and excitement, as we’ve touched upon many times throughout these newsletters, are the same feeling to our nervous system. The only thing that distinguishes one from the other is the story we attach to the feelings.
Many times the missing ingredient is curiosity. When we get curious about what we’re afraid of, the story we’re telling ourselves, the words, the tone, the associations - we can radically, quickly edit the story and shift onto a completely different frequency inside ourselves.
When I dropped the need for perfection I was able to show up for the whole spectrum of my experience on Friday: the nerves, the happiness, the clumsy moments, the gratitude, the depth of connection and the fleetingness too.
I hope I’ll see you at one of my Thursday classes once November hits. I’ve started using the word “teacher” to describe myself and this new work I’m integrating into my practice but it doesn’t feel totally accurate. Because a teacher needs a student and that model connotes a hierarchy.